I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
