No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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