I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
