Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
