this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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