i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
