I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
vagina is talking i cant
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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