carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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