not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
