Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
