btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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