Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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