That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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