I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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