i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
