Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
