the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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