You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i love accidental penises.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
