How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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