So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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