I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize