im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
