when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
