nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
