New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize