i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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