I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
