Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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