Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were trust falling into bushes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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