Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
