it was like eating out sand paper
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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