Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
