dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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