I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize