Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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