In the future we'll all be gay
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
