What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize