She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
