the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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