I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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