Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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