i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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