look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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