it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
