I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
