if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
