I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
