Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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