I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
