And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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