Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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