literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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