New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
