Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
