smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
