i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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