K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
please come you make the beer taste better
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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