Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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