Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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