I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
