We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize