She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
