Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
