If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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