when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
