A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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