After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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