Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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