I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
