Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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