Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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