are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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