TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
