I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
