she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize