I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
