Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize