I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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