alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
