I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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