I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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