see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
