Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
