Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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