what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
