I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He better not be in your backpack
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
