But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
