I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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