She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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