so that wasnt chicken after all
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize