She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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