Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
