hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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