The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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