So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
