How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
