You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
