I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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