I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
